P in the Dark [10 Jul 2006|08:48pm] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | SOAD: Violent Pornography ] Bands i saw: Humanzi Bell X1 Wolfmother Manu Chao Maximo Park Placebo Kaiser Chiefs Franz Ferdinand (Feat. Ricky Wilson, Chad Smith et al) Red Hot Chili Peppers * Regina Spektor Paulo Nuttini Magic Numbers Hard-Fi Arctic Monkeys The Strokes The Who The Who's set was actually the best thing i've ever seen, i was so excited when Pete came onstage, we were in the golden-circle which was good. I Couldnt see the magic numbers because there were 40 arseholes with flags between me and the stage. Hard-Fi were a bit shit, but won points for clever use of big-screens to display messages and stuff. Paulo Nuttini is shit. The Strokes are the shit. I got a T-shirt. Loads of people like the Kooks for some reason, despite them being "The new-Mcfly". Things i Liked: *Luisaidh got pointed at by Roger Daltrey and he asked who she was. *Karen and i actually ripped our vocal cords screaming at the Strokes. *I got drunk on cider which Chris very kindly gave to me because he was too tired to drink himself, Thank you. *I bought a kilt and a pretty wedding dress. *Red Hot Chili Peppers did London Calling, How Deep is Your Love, and the civil-war tune. *The pretty lights during "The End Has No End" *Franz ferdinand got a load of drummers on stage, including Chad Smith. *I predict Muse, Audioslave, Razorlight, Thom Yorke and Kaiser Chiefs for next year. *Nick Valensi... then Pete Townshend, within an hour. *"I need to meet a woman without a gag-reflex" Angus on friday. *Everyone got camped together, possibly about 20-25 of us i think. *£5 excellent Green Curry from Katie's Thai Kitchen (to be renamed KT Thai-Stall) *Luisaidh, Karen and I already have our tickets for 2007. Things i didnt like: *Placebo were actually the worst thing ive ever seen, worse than In-Flames, Brian Molko looks like Liza Minelli. *I had my first hangover and i threw up twice. *People singing Flower of Scotland at every opportunity. *Cunts with Flags. *People who throw glasses of beer/water, when its £2.80 a pint and everyones actually dying of thirst. *Greg became an honorary "Team Handsome", then tried to deny it later on. *A man with a beer-belly hanging over his shorts. Karen fancied him. *People who didnt follow the very simple plan of "everyone meet outside Buchanan Bus station at 8:30" and just fucked off on their own, because they are losers. To be continued... 3 comments|post comment

Mostly Yasmin/Joes nights out. [06 Jun 2006|01:19am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Love Buzz: Nirvana ] Top 5 Things This month: *Yasmins Birthday *Xmen 3 (possibly the only occurence ever of the 3rd in a series being better than the 1st, discuss?) *Joes Going Away Weekend *Due to an Admin Error, Chris Hendry ends up fronting Audioslave. It is 3 weeks before the mistake is realised and corrected. *Karen's MSN Name "Join me again on next week on this episode of "Lets make no fucking sense" when i will be waxing an owl." Hey Ho, Nothing to do just now so i am gracing my admittedly limited readership with my thoughts on the topic of 'stuff'. Yasmins birthday was good, i liked it because it was just everyone out and having a nice time, and the DJ in elliots was having a wee metallica phase so thatwas nice. also Lordi won Eurovision, and everyone cheered and it was like that world cup coke advert. im going to see them with Gemma in October, the day before Halloween, it will be amazing. The Drummer has a big slab of meat in place of a gong! anyway getting back to my story, After coming out of the ABC, we got a bus, and it was absolutely full, so full that we had to stand in front of the drivers cabin and Fiona had to tell him when people wanted off. There were some neds who were slagging some guy with big glasses because he looked like Mr Muscle, then he got off so they just started on other people. Then they said something to Scott Dorman about his glasses, to which he retorted with a song about gay pink t-shirts. The neds (who turned out to be Mrs Cleife's sons) didnt like this. So, very quickly, there was a fight on the bus, It was like in a cartoon, where theres just a ball of dust with fists and feet popping out periodically. The fight then got off the bus, and the driver went to drive away, but Ned pulled scott back on, and the neds followed, until someone, i think it was Brent, kicked them out the door while the bus was still moving, it was amazing. When we got off the bus, the fight was discussed and re-told, and the tale grew in the telling until there was uruk-hai and cavalry and air-strikes in it. Then Kazemi came and picked us up in a taxi and i went home. Joes going away thing was good, Ichiban was nice, i had salt and pepper chicken and i found a brochure for "willybrush" in the bathroom. It was a wee bit bad cos joe looked sad because everyone had to go home earlyfor the special surprise night the next night. Next night, everyone went down to the lusset after Dr Who (which had the best line ever i think: Alien Dinnerlady "The beast and his minions will rise from the pit and make war with the gods above!" Rose "What?" Alien Dinnerlady "Oh, im sorry, i meant 'Enjoy your meal.'" Back to the Lusset, and everyone came in and had drinks and fortune cookies and stuff. Then there was kareoke, and Greg did This Charming Man, and First of the Gang to Die back to back, which was fantastic. Then Camillas boyfriend and his friends showed up and stole joe's special going-away jaffa cakes, because apparantly its considered good manners in some circles to just show up and eat other peoples food without asking... they also licked a roll-on deoderant. Luisaidh called them cunts for their theft. Then Greg burnt his finger and tried to cut the burn off with scissors, and we sat and watched futurama til the taxi came. My boss was super-nice today and brought me a cup of tea, i hope im not getting fired or something. Anyway thats all i have to say just now. 1 comment|post comment

Rhuraidh's Adventures on Strike. [08 Mar 2006|12:52am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | The cribs - We Can no longer cheat you. ] Today i was on strike from Uni, supporting my lecturers in their industrial action to have their salaries raised. my biology teachers were being scabs but i decided not to go in because i am not a strike-disobeying person. So today i got up early cos Angus was coming round to see the Mighty Boosh, and school me n the ways of hair-shaping. but he fucked off to do collage-work, gluing carrots onto a windmill or something like that. so i was left to my own devices. I had an experiment with some brylcreem that made my hair so greasy it was easy to manipulate into many shapes. i did fire, a pirates hat, devilhorns, a "dirt from the bravery" and i eventually went for the slicked-back one. Then i went into Glasgow to try and play a Riviera (a guitar i want) but there is not one to be had in all of Glasgow apparantly, they do have a disturbing abundance of Noel Gallagher signature guitars though, in case anyone wants to form an oasis tribute act, and just play G for the whole set. Having failed in this mission, i found myself outside Mr Bens, gobsmacked by the "World's Best Tie" which i am going to buy tomorrow. it is too spectacular for words so you just get to see it live if you're in the right place at the right time. Then i went by subway and train to Clydebank so i could get the bus to Old-school school. On the bus for 2 minutes, and a car crashed into the side of it, right under where i was sitting* at like 110mph, and a section of the bus fell away and i fell out and rolled off the bonnet and just walked the rest of the way.* At school i met Wallis and Mary-Dockery. Then Jemmapurdon and Ross Clark(tm), Then real life Merry&Pippin duo, Fi & Yasmin, with their sidekick KFC-Gillian. We walked into Clydebank and i bought cookies from subway and laughed openly at a girl in an "Aiden" hoodie while everyone else was in the toilet. Then we went to TK Maxx where the lady-people looked at prom dresses and showed me them. Then i found the best thing ever invented, the Chicco Childs' Sound'n'Light Phone. It truly was Chicco time. a phone with built-in Synth function, the best thing ever. S Y N T H P H O N E ! ! ! I worked out how to play AC/DC's "Thunderstruck" and Trad's "Mary had a little lamb" while Fiona introduced me to her friend Kimmy who works in TK Maxx and thats why she was there. Then i met Kellybrockett and Lesliwhite's latest will-he-won't-he girl, Daniella, who smokes cigarettes. Then we went and met Shoe and Kim. Shoe says he can get me a discount on a stripey burglars'-jumper and get Fiona a job, so he's really like the guy that suddenly turns up at the end of the movie and sorts everything out, because the writer got bored of making up story. The End, ironically. * indicates this part of the story is fabricated slightly. 1 comment|post comment

Music, Reggae and Buses. [24 Feb 2006|09:05pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Baby, Please don't go: ACDC ] A description by my father of my typical musical taste, i thought i would put it up for posterity, and to appease Joe. (strange proggy pish plays in the background) Rhuraidh: Whats this? Its very...not my kind of thing Father: Just because it doesnt have loud drums, thrashing guitars and someone screaming "do you want to feel my balls?" on it? *** Also i had a great idea for an anti-marijuana advert, based on the idea that pot-smokers go onto more serious drugs like heroin and nesquik and stuff. "Hey kids, dont do marijuana, it only leads to worse things...like listening to reggae" **** Finally i leave you with the story of the ned who wanted to fight us last night. Joe, camilla and myself got on a bus home after Ross' 18th night out thing. Then this guy started challenging me, then joe and me to a fight. He ended up standing right over me leaning in my face. At which point the driver stopped and ordered him to get off. He said he wasnt getting off, and went to argue with the driver. The driver told him he would call the police, and the ned responded that he would call his friends or "squad" as they are known. At this point the ned absent-mindedly stepped off the bus to phone his squad. The driver promptly closed the doors and drove off. The ned spun round and stared as the bus left. Joe and I waved and grinned at him through the window. Yay for us. 2 comments|post comment

Back In Power [25 Oct 2005|01:43pm] [ music | The Distillers - Beat Your Heart Out ] The World's best Livejournal entry starts here. Our tale begins on Friday the 21st of October, at approximately 1800 hours, in the interior of the Davidson family kitchen. Our inrepid hero is setting out on a journey to see the much anticipated gig, The Glitterati! I left the house in a hurry, scuttling through the glen at top speeds to catch a train. Some of Old Kilpatrick's younger nedlings spotted me and thought it would be a jolly jape to launch a firework at me. I mean they actually fired a rocket after me! i would be dead now, were it not for the fact that neds seem to be like stormtroopers in that they can't shoot for shit (and also because you could walk around and cut loads of them in half or shoot them in the chest and have no moral qualms for the viewer, because they are just generic drones) To continue our tale, i survived the glen, avoiding being raped by tree-roots, and i made it to the safety of the station, where i discovered that my firework-happy ned chums were waiting for me. Luckily two policemen were also waiting there, so i was able to subtley give the neds the finger and grin smugly at them. Then, i got to Dalmuir where i got off and met Miss Karen of the world's-best-couple, Karen and Ryan. Ryan wasnt there tho because he was ill and it was an over-18s gig. Soon Lesliwhite also joined us, and was not fooled by my somewhat hilarious "you've got the tickets, right?" gag. (I had them all the time- haha) Then we arrived at Barfly and we were waiting in the big line to see the band, when Miss Karen met one of her friends, and her not-dressed-for-the-weather sidekick, who was inexplicably wearing a bikini on a cold rainy october evening. The only plausible reason i have for this is that she left the house in July and didn't have to go back and change. While Karen was talking to them, and mr Lesliwhite was hinting for an introduction, I started talking to some aging rockers who assured me that "Uriah Heep put Led Zeppelin to shame." I disagreed, but i have learned not to argue with strangers about music, after Joe and I got in a heated arguement with a Status Quo fan on a late bus. Then we went into the venue and Karen was very pleased because she didnt get ID'd even though she had pigtails in. Lesliwhite did get ID'd, but he is the youngest so that wasnt shocking. I hold a very proud record of never being ID'd, because i have long hair and a leather jacket and glasses and a very manly jawline and an earring and other various grown-up things. Then Miss Karen and Lesliwhite went to sit down and chose the furthest away place possible in the whole bar to sit. Needless to say, we were quickly sheperded to the front, where we saw a very-enthusiastic fan with ginger hair that looked like a child's-drawing of a fire, because it was all spiked up at different lengths. The first support band was the Frequency, who Mr Joe and I had the pleasure of seeing a week previously at the QMU (Glasgows ONLY union). They were a lot better this time, far rockier, still with Glasgow's coolest bassist. Mr Lesliwhite fell in love with the white thunderbird bass he was playing and apparantly intends to use 2 months college bursary to buy one for his very own. There was a cool bit when the singer's mic broke down, so the guitarist entertained the crowd by playing the intro to "The Bucket" by Kings of Leon, then the riff from "Heartbreaker" (which, for the uneducated amongst my readership is the Glitterati's biggest single) The second support band were like a cockney Emo band who wanted to be Rage Against the Machine, i think. The singer was quite creepy, and kept leaning into the three of us and singing right at us. They redeemed themselves tho, when during their last song, the bassist and guitarist started charging each other, jumping in the air, ramming eachother to the ground and having a full on stag-fight, all whilst still playing. Then the highlight of the Evening, the Glitterati, took to the stage, kicking off with Betterman, which is a song about being a better man. Their singer, Mr Paul was very into the crowd thing, leaning into the crowd during instrumental breaks to let would-be groupie-ladies kiss him and ruffle his hair. The band played two new songs, I cant remember the titles but they were good. They also played 2 B-Sides, which was good because the first time i went to see Franz Ferdinand, they just played their album in a different order. In between songs, mr Paul of Glitterati fame stopped to slag Bloc Party, saying that "they would rather be librarians." Everyone booed (except karen, i think. If Scott was there he may have attacked him) Then he said the same about the Futureheads, some people booed, but i cheered. Then he said the same about Franz Ferdinand, and no one said anything. I think he realised he had gone too far. Especially since Franz Ferdinand wrote the world's-best-song, and have the greatest moment in history on their second album (18 seconds into 'Do You want to'. Listen, enjoy, feel better about yourself as a person.) *Quote of the Evening* Paul: How many of you are gonna come back next time? Fireheadman: We Come every time! Paul: yeah you come everytime, shes not saying that, she comes maybe once a year. After this, Miss Karen had to go to the cinema with her ugly friends, leaving lesliwhite and i to brave the trains alone. I went home and i can't remember what happened between then and the next morning. Actually, i do remember phoning Ross, but he wasnt very interested in what i had to say because he was in bed, and i was probably yelling because i couldn't hear for shit. I can't remember much of the next day either, but i do remember that my ears were ringing the whole time, so it was like "after fight-club, everything else in your life gets the volume turned down". A rather nice, calming feeling, much like being raped isn't. On Monday, i had a rather strange science lecture, with a new German lecturer who is quite cool in a weird way, he got us all to do Mexican-waves every fifteen minutes so we would pay attention. About halfway through the lecture, an old man in a bunnet and coat walked in, stood at the front of the class, announced "I'm here to do a survey." stood staring at the class for about 30 seconds, then turned and left without saying anything else. Then i went to the gym for a while, i met Miss Emma there. As usual, i sang along to Van Halen's "Jump", "Ace of Spades" and "No More Heroes" because the gym only has 2 hours worth of CDs i think. Then i went to the weight-room where i was pleased to find that after only 4 weeks of regularly attending the gym after my year-long absence, i can now lift heavier weights, more times than i could before. So it seems that a year of inactivity is good for the physique, who would have thought it? Take that childhood obesity. Apres ca, i allered to the QMU with mr Jonathan, who had a rock-recognition test that afternoon. I imagined a scenario where he would be presented with a rock, a mobile phone and a live chicken and asked to choose the rock. but alas, far less interestingly, he had to look at a load of rocks and say what one was what. Then i kicked about until my biology lecture, where the lecturer very enthusiastically told us that apparantly since 467 of us had attended, that lecture had set a department record. The class suitably rejoiced by stripping to the waist and throwing champagne on each other while "Louie, Louie" played over the tannoy. Not really, everyone looked what i can only describe as "Nonplussed". After Bio (to use my street lingo) i boarded the subway and went into town to see the free gig/ signing by new Glasgow band, El Presidente. In attendance was Lesliwhite, Luisaidh, Robert 'OD' ODonnell, and Luisaidh's friend Gayle (who has attended 2 Mcfly concerts, for reasons best known to herself). Also in attendance was Miss Rachel, a friend of Leslie and OD's from college, who only came for 5 seconds, apparantly to see what lesliwhite called "The Davidson-Wave" El Presidente were very good, their usual sound is Disco-Sex-Pop, but they lost their synth and bass since it was an acoustic gig. Their is a scary trend towards acoustic gigs now for some reason, i can't explain it since they are usually far less exciting than their electric counterparts. Nonetheless it was a very tepid gig, with mr Dante-singerman substituting lyrics like "The pounding of the shakers in my head" since they had shakers rather than drums. Then the band signed albums, and when the guitarist was signing mine, i tried to explain to him that their song '100mph' was almost exactly the same as a Led Zeppelin song entitled Custard Pie, but he was having none of it,he just said "oh yeah its quite riffy, isnt it?". Oh well, i tried. On the way home, we entertained Luisaidh and Gayle with stories about how Rollo once asked a prostitute how long he could have for £1.50, when she told 15 seconds, he very wittily hit back "thats ok, thats all ill need." Another amusing story was when someone shit himself, scooped it out his trousers and threw it at Kenny Holland, then, when his parents asked how shit got on his walls, said that Kenny shat himself and ran away. This morning, I went to psychology where i met Gregelder, and we had a rather amusing discussion before the lecture. It is transcribed for your viewing pleasure below. Doctor: Your leg is broken in three places: Paris, Milan and Rome Patient: You're not a doctor! Doctor: I know, i'm Mr Jolly, i used to present Playdays but now i kid on i'm a doctor. See this coat? it's actually blue, but that doesnt matter because i've diagnosed you as colour-blind as well. Jolly, Jolly, Jolly, Fuck Off. This saturday, I'm away to see mr Robert Plant, formerly of Led Zeppelin. Surely it will be 'da shit (again to delve into my ghetto patter), while people with lesser appreciation of music will be away seeing The Kaiser Chiefs (who are very good, don't get me wrong, i liked them before anyone else) but there is a pecking order, and Led Zeppelin is at the top. Then after that i shall be seeing Gus & Rosses; Motorhead; The White Stripes; Franz Ferdinand; Hard Fi and El Presidente and a number of small bar-gigs, for my legendary gig-streak. ***Joke of the Week*** How many emo-kids does it take to change a lightbulb? Three, 1 to change the lightbulb and 2 to write a song about it! (by Mr Angus) 4 comments|post comment

My week in pictures. [21 Oct 2005|10:56am] [ mood | Salmon ] [ music | www.beatallica.org ] Enter Sandford This week i have been at Uni and doing various uni things. On monday, i slept in for 2 of my lectures, and i didnt see the point of going in for one, so i stayed at home. Then Mr Ross came over and broke into my house, interrupting my attempt at worlds-longest-guitar-solo. Then we went to the shops, and i got my glasses succesfully patched up, and i bought Kurt Cobain's Journals which are good. For those of you who don't know, i also played his guitar when i was in London. Then we went to mr Ross' house and played with guitars and listened to lots of music. I was able to introduce him to the "World's most under-rated band" The Needles. Then the next day, i came home with the good mr Clark, and he went and hung about with my little scenester while i was in the shower. Then we all boarded a train and went up town. Sadly i had to get off early to go to University. Ho Hum Yesterday, I went to Uni, then i went and had coffee with Miss Sara and one of her new friends. I had a "totally wicked choca mocha" which is a big bastard of a thing, i was still buzzing from it at 5pm. Then i wandered into town and decided i have very little respect for the vast majority of people, because they go to education for the best part of 20 years, only to work in a job that they don't particularly like for 40 years, then go and age for 10, then die. This seems pretty stupid to me. I also played a Thunderbird bass in MacCormacks, its very good, i want one. Then we went to Angus' in the evening and saw a special sneak preview for the second ever gig by clydebank indie legends "Gus and Rosses". In other news, i have now got a myspace page, which can be viewed at www.myspace.com/rhuraidh But fear not, i shall not be abandoning my faithful livejounral as the so-called "pure myspace jumpin' basturts" have done. I shall maintain both and keep my fanbase happy. Oh, i almost forgot, Zack De La Rocha was a guest lecturer in my psychology class yesterday. He was very angry and swore and shouted anti-american things, and recieved 24 standing ovations. Joke of the Week. A man comes home from work to discover his girlfriend trashing his appartment. He grabs her and asks "what the hell are you doing!?" "I read in the paper that you were a paedophile." says his Girlfriend. "Paedophile? My My, Thats a very big word for an eight-year-old." The man responds. By Gregelder and Lesliwhite. This entry was brought to you by the letter D and the number 7064380059.42 2 comments|post comment

[03 Oct 2005|10:51pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Piece of your action - Motley Crue ] Salmon. Lots happened of late.On Saturday, i went to work which was busy and i got quite stressed until i realised that i didnt give a fuck if i was holding people up or if it was queued to fuck. I felt a lovely wave of calm, which was nice. Then i got a bag of Minstrels and went to get my Zonecard, i had to go through clydebank about 4 times cos first i forgot my pictures, then when i got the pictures, i didnt have enough money. I also went to see Yasmin who i've not seen in ages. After that i went home and thrashed about with my hair down and my guitar up full (which i am able to do as my parents are in aberdeen) My amp is very loud but ive got used to it loud, so im going to save up and get a big Marshall Bastard. except im fucking skint just now because i spent £30 on gym membership, £84.99 on Uni books and £146 on zonecard in the last week. Fuckbeans. Today i went to the gym with the Glasgow Uni Consortium, with the exception of Joe who went to hang out with his new friends now that hes all bourgeois. I did lots of rowing and consequently my arms are now dead. Then i went to see Four Brothers with Karen and Ryan. It was very good, lots of manly violence, shooting, petrol-dowsing and gayjokes. Then i went to the train but the tickies seem reluctant to check my tickets now that i have it for free. Bastards. In other news, i have decided to give myself a stagename, my favourite so far is Felix Bazoo. In other news, Style and Substance, next thursday (13 September). Be there, no excuses. Save money for it, and do not make the error of saving money then spending it on the Thursday afternoon. (especially you, greg) Fuck you all. 6 comments|post comment

Freshing quotes, volume 1 [15 Sep 2005|01:18pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Slither ] "My name is Morrisey, I'm a pretentious bastard and i wrote a song about frot-a-ge!" Gregelder "See the amount of adware that gets onto your computer when you download porn, you wouldnt believe" Joe "You could get a hooker and just hit her" John Dorman discusses sexual-favours "They have adventures in the cosmos" John now discusses how rugby players spend their free time. "Have you heard of a sex-game called 'mr jolly'?" Gregelder Security lady: Pass? Leslie presents Johns freshers pass Security lady: Thats not you Leslie: That was taken on a bad day (curls bottom lip, disappears to try and get served at the bar, is flung out) "Whats frottage? Its a fucking good night-out!" Gregelder "I love you all, almost to the point of beiing in a sexual nature" GLC "Fuck sake, I look like a GUU girl" QMU quizmaster Spoonie upon seeing his spray-cream moustache "Manly things, handlebar moustaches...Metallica...Pints of Guiness...Serious sexual assault, not many women been convicted of that." Joe "I declare a Gonad on the west!" Joe "Tampons? we don't use them, they're for poofs, poofs who don't play rugby!" Gregelder Me."Oh god, I Hope they didnt go to the 999-night" Joe: "Yeah, and i bet Jon dressed as a slutty nurse!" Gregelder: "Oh God! how horrifying is that image, Jon dressed as a slutty nurse?" "'Are you ok? 'Yeah I'm fine' 'Are you sure' 'Yeah I'm alright' 'you don't look good' 'I'm absolutlely fine' 'Oh, I phoned you an ambulance............'" Joe discusses how annoying it is when someone won't leave you alone because they think you're not well/happy. Me. "She's a blackbelt in karate you know." Angus: "Thats nothing a brick-over-the-head won't sort out." 3 comments|post comment

My Nice Day at Work. Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy. [08 Sep 2005|08:58pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Swollen Summer - The Bravery ] Today i woke up in a panic because i could not hear my alarm clocks, so i thought i'd slept through them and it was like 2pm or something. Luckily i found out it was only 8.45, and was pleased when my cd player came on playing Led Zeppelin IV or "THE BEST ALBUM EVER MADE" (except maybe london calling) after a few minutes. I got up, had a shower, and then a breakfast of Honey Nut Corn Flakes and Pineapple and Coffee, accompanied by more Led Zeppelin, this time in DVD form. High Five! Then i left the house and went to work. I got 2 rancid albums for a tenner in west-end. (Joe i demand you recognize them as a credible punk band.) Work was reasonably ok, ive been working loads this week so ill be shit-rich come saturday. I had "friday im in love" stuck in my head for 3 hours cos it was in the shopping-centre tannoy In work i was shocked to see a 9-foot salmon who was walking about with a hat, shirt and tie on, buying tinned carrots. Also, some SS Officers came in and beat up my boss because he wouldnt give them gold, they planted a timebomb on a till but i was able to defuse it before it went off. Then Velvet Revolver played another free gig in my work cos they're friends with the delivery driver. On the whole it was an uneventful morning. Half an hour before i was supposed to leave, my boss came and asked me to stay for another three hours, so i got a lunch break and £15. I had to go out to use the bathroom because, and i am not exagerrating here, the toilet in work was full to the brim with black sludge and a big human-shit floating on top. The cleaning lady watched me go in, and emerge a minute later with my eyes streaming, gasping and exclaiming "oh for the love of god" before deciding to tell me that the toilet was out of order. i had nice pizza and blackcurrant juice for lunch, and also cake. yes. After lunch i was on tills, so i amused myself by adopting a wide-eyed stare, muttering to myself and talking like Willy Wonka to all my customers (new Willy Wonka). Then this psycho lady came, and she was in a bad mood because she missed her chance to go to the start of a new till that was opening, so she was pissed off. I pissed her off further by being really polite and smiley all the time. eg- lady. I hope you enjoy your job. me. I do, thank you. lady. not really! HAHA! me. Oh well, thank you anyway. bye, have a nice time. For the last hour i got really excited by the concept of "Marilyn Manson's Christmas Hits" an album Leslie and i thought up. Then i went and gave blood, which was nice of me. I am blood type A Minus, apparantly A-Minuses are law-abiding, noble, but prone to bottling-up anxieties. I think this is quite accurate. I was also thrilled to discover that i share a blood type with Richard Nixon and Jimmy Carter. The lady wouldnt let me leave with my coffee because i could scald myself. I was tempted to pour it over my head to demonstrate that u cant get scalded from coffee, but i didnt. At dinner, the gravy was flavoured with pineapple because father and i had been soaking pineapple skins in the jug-used-for-making-gravy all week, for reasons that i do not yet understand. The End. PS. Miss Fiona has very kindly reminded me of my hilarious giving-blood joke "How are you feeling?" "Rather Drained" Thank you x 1 comment|post comment

[04 Sep 2005|08:24pm] Had Rather a fun weekend, on Friday, we went to the house of Lesliwhite, for banter and free beer, except i didnt drink beer cos its rank. When we got there, Joedockery wanted to get beer so we had to walk to the coop, luckily, lesliwhite lent me his guitar to play on the way so it was less boring. I played "The Passenger" "The Last Time" and Bouree about a dozen times, and joe made such outragous claims as "The Ramones, The Clash and The Sex-Pistols are the only punk bands i recognize". Upon our return, Karen spilled 3 drinks in rapid succession, and lesliwhite and i went upstairs to make a CD, which was good, but we never played. Then we went back down and listened to "nat & dean's christmas hits" Then Leslie and gregelder hyped up this necrohpilia joke, acting like they were actually afraid to tell it, then they told it and it was sooo shit as to be unbelievable. Then Angus, leslie and I planned a heavy-metal christmas album, featuring such hits as "The Silent-Night is deafening" and "Enter Santa" "one minute its fine, the next minute, i'm kissing fire!" Angus "Pull it off, don't leave me hanging"Angus "I'd never leave you hanging, i'd make sure it was nice and hard" Leslie "I like Bloc Party" Most People "You're only gay if you're taking it!" Angus "James blunt...doing a concept album about having sex with monkeys" Gregelder "Extreme Joinery" Gregelder "What kind of sodomite could think that up?" unknown 6 comments|post comment

Strange/Funny Things I Heard/Just Made Up Recently [20 Aug 2005|10:29pm] [ mood | Salmon ] [ music | The Devinyls: I Touch Myself ] (in Angus' House, "I Get Around" by the Beach Boys comes on) Angus' Mum: "Oh Look Angus, It's Your Song." First Man: I got a new frog. Second Man: Oh, what kind is it? First Man: a 'Labrodor' Second Man: I belive that is actually a dog. First Man: Does This look like a dog to you? Second Man: Oh. I see. (In Yasmin's house-party, discussing who was good at TITP) Scott: I liked Kaiser Chiefs 'cos i saw (whistles). (in a conversation about James Bond's cars) Q: Here's your new car, 007, a Ford Fiesta Bond: What? What about an Aston Martin? Q: We Gave you one of those last time and you drove it over a cliff. Bond: Oh Yeah Jack: "Margaret Thatcher, i'd love to poke her arse with a samurai sword" Little boy in Argyle Street: "Am I Black?" 2 comments|post comment

1-Quote mini entry. [23 Jul 2005|09:22am] [ mood | Tired ] [ music | Clash City Rockers - The Clash ] Not got time to put down a big tome about Angus' 4th Party, but I Will put down my favourite quote of the evening, possible ever, lest i forget it. Lynsay Reid (to Leslie): "You're such a big poof, I could be lying naked with my legs apart, like that "Fuck Me!", and you'd still be all like "Oh, I dunno..."" Farewell my good friends, I shall return to you at the turn of the tide. 7 comments|post comment

A Very Tepid Week [22 Jul 2005|12:23am] [ mood | Quite Tepid ] [ music | Slither ] On Sunday, i read the new Harry Potter, and listened to the Bravery's "An Honest Mistake" on repeat for over nine hours. This week we went to see Madagascar, which was good but not in the same level as shrek or South Park. I also went to Fopp and bought the autobiography of Anthony Kiedis; Probot, my 13th Dave Grohl album; and Contraband, which is very nice. Tepid, some would say. After the film, Luisaidh and I went home and had dinner, then went up to Fiona's for a short-notice empty. It was good, i bought a bottle of Vodka and some jaffa cakes. Luisaidh wasnt feeling well and soon went home because she wasnt feeling well and wasnt feeling too good and felt sick and was a wee bit peaky and was quite ill and later lost a leg in a fight with Verne Troyer over clothes-pegs. While everyone else was watching Sin City, Me, Fi, Scott, and later Jillian had a shot-round thing and i think we had about 15 each. I tried to swat a fly with an acoustic-guitar because i was quite drunk by this point. Leslie said he likes luisadh better than me, which wasnt nice at all. After a while, Leslie wanted to go home, so Joe and I walked him, and he kept bumping his neq guitar off things because he was drunk. On the way back home, Joe and I picked up a hubcap as a gift to our hostess, and we discussed an idea for adverts for Golden/Cinnamon Grahams, starring ourselves. It would involve us arguing over what is better, (i say cinnamon), then using the baseketball technique of psyche-outs to make the other spit out his cereal. So i would run in and shout "ANAL SEX!!!" and Joe would spit out his Golden Grahams in disgust. When we got back, Scott (now renamed Elmo on account of his emosity) was fast asleep, so i took it upon myself to decorate him with Yasmin's eye-pencil. He had whiskers and a heart and "EMO" on his face. Then he woke up and drank some more, then went to sleep. Then Fi and I continued to decorate him, with things like " I Heart milk" "Nemo", Happy Faces, "I Heart Led Zeppelin". then we put a cigarette in his mouth and took a picutre. After a while, it was only me, Scott, Fi and Chris left. I fell asleep at one point, but Fi gave me vodka which for some reason made me less tired, so i quickly busied myself by annoying Elmo and Gerard who were trying to sleep. I had to sit on Scott to keep him awake, and i had to put jellybeans and a cigarette in Gerards nose. Then we all fell asleep, Gerard left, I woke at about 10. After a while, the 2 hardcore party people decided to go and get some KFC. We went and met Gerard-the-Quitter, and Scott and I split a Family Feast between us but scott couldnt finish his bit. After this, we went to the shops, and Fi bought a bandana to go with the current trend of different coloured bandanas. I bought Dawn of the Dead, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Then we got the bus back to Fi's and she invited people back up. Dunky the Drummer brought a gamecube, and we played super-monkey-ball and Def Jam, which has fighting Rappers, and Danny Trejo for some reason. Angus came up, and we walked down to Asda to buy stuff. We came home and watched Ferris Bueller, i did some shots of Dr Pepper, then fell asleep. I awoke and Angus was gone, run off to harvest the nocturnal -red-cactii and their precious nectar before dawn, no doubt. When i went home, my parents were not happy, apparantly i should have called if i was going out for 2 days. They tell me they thought i was chopped up in a ditch. QUOTES Joe :Woah, we just saved that snail! Gus: That snail better go out and make something of itself now. Joe: Become a lawyer or something Gus: Or the Pope of Snails. Ross: Then he was running about hitting folk with a jobby on a stick. You could fight wars with that, no one wants to get hit with a jobby on a stick. Me: Phew, I'm fucked, like an underage mexican hooker. Gus: I asked her if she liked lettuce and she was like "no." How can you not like lettuce, its just crunchy water! Elmo: Your ass is in my crotch. Me: You said i was to get you up. Gus: What would you do if we got back and Scott was just sitting there rubbing his nipples, like "eeggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!" Me: Yeah, dressed like Bizarre in the video for 'My Band' Gus: awwwww Me: I think my first reaction would definetely be surprise. yes, surprise, then i would back out the room. 3 comments|post comment

T I T F'n P [12 Jul 2005|03:11pm] [ music | Black Hole Sun - Audioslave ] INTERIOR, BEDROOM, FRIDAY MORNING. We join our hero about to undertake the penultimate part of the great Rock&Roll pilgrimage tour of summer. (fade in) I awoke to my usual alarm call of "in Your Honour" at volume 24. Had quick breakfast and left for buchanan st. bus station. There i met OD, Gerard, Fi et Yasmin, and we all piled onto the bus which left relatively quickly. Upon arrival, i got my stuff also quite quickly, and i got a phone call from leslie and scott, trying to find me even though they were about 10foot directly in front of me. So we all lined up and eventually got in, after some guy came and told us about 50 times that we werent allowed glass in. Ross shouted to see if we were allowed bone china, but he didnt answer. We got in without being searched, despite the security-guards warning that everyone would be. It would seem that being searched is a strictly voluntary thing, for people who have nothing better to do than stand in a hot tent for 10 minutes while a surly/burly man rakes through your stuff. My tent was set up relatively painlessly, facing onto leslie and scott's kennel tent, a tent so small that one could literally "pish over the top of it without pointing up". Then scott and i helped Gregelder and Ross to put up their tent, which they had failed miserably at by themselves, because they lack the outdoor survival skills necessary for outdoor survival. Then there was much sitting around and music for the next 12 hours. The next day, leslie woke me up at 6.30am, assuring me that it was in fact 8.30 so i went and got washed and came back to discover that no one else had woken up yet. Everyone else was soon driven outside by the ovenlike heat of their tents. For some miraculous reason, Angus' super-fin of spike managed to stay exactly the same for the whole weekend. (which lead to rumours that he was using Hammerite in place of regular gel. We left at about 12, assured by Neil that we could just walk in. However this was not to be, and a 90 minute queue ensued.We were actually facing right onto the NME stage so we were subjected to fightstar for a while. Scott started nodding along to it, until i pointed out to him who it was and he froze up. Once we finally got in, we went to the NME stage to see an actual band who could play and who werent a poofy boyband for prepubescent girls. The band was called Death-From-Above-1979, and it was just 2 guys, a singing drummer, and a keyboard/bass player. I was shocked that Ross was into them, as they were infinetely heavier than the uber-obscure indie-pop to which he is accustomed. Then leslie and I went to see Do-Me-Bad-Things, who were amazing. They were like a cartoon rock-band, with 2 lead-singers. One singer was so cool he had to be gay. He changed costumes 3 times during the show, ending up in a spangly sequined blouse. The other singer had a rather obvious wish to be James Hetfield. After this, we went to visit Sara who i had only seen once in about 7 years. this was good, we were talking about psychology and how cool it will be to be drinking-buddies, etc. As soon as Joss Stone had retreated from the surprisingly large crowd, The don and i headed down to the main stage to see Audioslave, who i had heard nothing about, but were very good. They played songs that i recognised the tune of, but couldnt name. The singer was very polite, saying nice things like "Thank you all very very much for having us" and "You're all very very nice people". After this i had to endure embrace. Somehow i managed to fight the urge to slash at my wrists with any handy sharp objects. They were very depressing, bland and pish-poor. After this, it was the killers, but i didnt really enjoy them because i was getting crushed and dehydrated so badly. There were all the big adult neds who thought it was great fun to charge through the crowd and push people about (Which Karen had predicted). Me and some woman got pushed over by the crowd at one point, and i was almost stampeded as everyone charged to help the woman onto her feet. The only song i enjoyed was Glamorous Indie Rock & Roll, everyone stopped and watched rather than climbing over each other. After the killers, i couldnt stand to see Keane, so i backed out, and by some miracle, i found Fi, Yasmin and Chris. We all went back to the tents to get rolls and juice, and for all but me, to partake of "special" cigarettes. After this, we went back to see the Foo Fighters, and Fi was trying to convince us to let her stay at the tent, but we didnt. The gig was very good, i got a spot that was close enough to see the band, but without being crushed. I was standing next to this guy and we were openly mocking all these girls in front of us who didnt know all the words, and who started cheering at the big pause in "In Your Honour". They played all the hits, the only one they didnt play that i wanted to hear was "Free Me". They finished with Taylor lpaying a country song, with Dave Grohl on drums. Leslie kept popping up on the big screen headbanging and devil-signing like a lunatic. This is excellent progress from the Damien-Rice-era. When the gig was done, i met up with Fi, Yasmin and Chris, and we all went on a tilty waltzer ride that was good but too short. Yasmin made a height-restriction joke to Chris, which he said was about as funny as a kick in the balls. I reminded him that a kick in the balls is funny if it is happening to someone else, and i laughed. There was a lot of singing "best of You" and Chris and yasmin did cartwheels along the ground. Then Chris paid £5 for a chinese meal and dropped it on the ground. This was similarly funny as it was happening to someone else. On my return to the campsite, Chris 1-inch-punched Gregelder through my tent, snapping one of the fibreglass poles. When i woke up the next day, i found Scott and Leslie sleeping on top of my door. I left them sleeping there and i went to buy a hat and a horn, which i was planning to wake up emma and monica with, but they were up by the time i got back. Me, Leslie and Gregelder managed to just walk into the arena this time, and started laughing uncontrolably at the word "Bumbum". When we went in, i had to go to the Orange-Chill&Charge tent to charge up my telephone. After this, leslie and i went to stand in the 2-mile long, 1mph queue for the cash machine, which was next to the ride that is like a big catapult that pings people up in a steel spere-cage. While we waited, the ride crashed. The ball hit the side, pinged back up, hit the side again, stopped, fell about 10 feet, and stuck on the side. The carnies just stood watching, one continued to eat his hot-dog. Everyone was booing them. eventually one guy climbed up and freed the thing and it was lowered back down. If i was one of the guys in the ball, i would have gone round and kicked fuck out of each of the carnies in turn. After this, we headed over and bought smoothies, which were quite dear at £3.50 but worth it as they wer nice and cold, and also did for a lunch. Then we headed for Razorlight, but stopped at the signing tent, where Kaiser Chiefs were signing as razorlight started. We got almost to the front of the queue, and a security-guard came out and said no more, and people started booing and saynig how they'd been waiting for 3 hours, so the band kept going and I got my ticket signed by all of them. I shook hands with Ricky and Simon and i complimented them on "Seventeen Cups". Ricky said he liked it as well (but they didnt play it nomatter how much i shouted for it). After this, we headed over to NME to see the Bravery, who did a much better live show than the killers. They came on with a pipe-band playing "Scotlanf the Brave"! There were some guys throwing empty bottles about in the crowd, one hit the stage. This prompted Sam Endicott to say possibly the most ill-advised compliment ever "I have never been to a country where you are so good at bottle-throwing, you have such good aim!" After this, there were bottles flying from just about everyone, straight at the stage, the bassist and singer got hit on the legs a couple of times. Guys were throwing full bottles of juice, and picking bottles up off the ground to throw. At the end, they said "this is our last song, see you next year", then played about 30 seconds of intro before the power got cut off by the wanker organisers. I thought this was a bit poor, as i wouldnt have minded seeing Kaiser Chiefs a bit later so i could see the Bravery's full set. The Kaiser Chiefs came on to rioutous applause, and i was again surpised by the amount of neds who like this band. After about 2 songs, Ricky stopped, and said "Where we come from, there is a rule, an unwritten rule, Im not sure if it's law, not in this country anyway, that when a pretty girl gets on a guy's shoulders at a concert, she has to get her tits out! You Have to, Its the Laaaaw!" Then they had a lobster-chair, subbed "Lobstersaur" passed up onto the stage, and they did a Greenday-esque cheering contest between Ricky and Peanut. After their gig, everyone in the audience, except for Scott and Angus, left to go to Travis. Bloc Party's egos must have taken a fair pounding, they were playing to the smallest crowd i'd seen. Leslie and I headed over to Travis and we got another round of Smoothies for dinner, and we got into the crowd just in time to hear Queens of the Stone-Age doing their last song, "No One Knows" which is my favourite by them, so i was quite pleased at that. A lot of people left after QOTSA, so we got right down to the front for Travis, who shocked me at how good they were. They premiered a new song, and Fran Healy threw his telecaster across the stage at one point. The bassist and guitarist looked like they were going to set up their own Franz Ferdinand tribute-band, because they looked and dressed like Alex and Bob respectively. They also covered "Stayin' Alive". Between the end of travis and the entrance of the Greenday Rabbit, i drank almost 2 litres of water so i didnt have to carry my big bottle. I got into an air-guitar competition with a Jake-Shears-lookalike using an inflatable guitar. Green Day were very good, albeit exactly the same as when they played the SECC. I was disappointed that i didnt get to play guitar again. But they did a very good cover of "Shout!" so that was good. After Green Day, i headed back to the tent to find that over half the New Clydebank camp had left in the dead of night. Ross was very excited and was throwing beer cans at the ground, opening them, drinking the fizz, then throwing them away. He also made Gregelder and I drinks of about 80% Jack Daniels, 10% Irn Bru, with some Jack Daniels to top it up. At last the mystery of how Ross got sick at Hannah's is solved. Then he met some english guys and was asking them if they had heard of Tennents Lager, and would they like to trade some for their Stella Artois. They politely declined on the grounds that "its absolute pish". They then revealed they were from Sunderland, so Ross asked them to sing some futureheads songs. Then we went up to visit Fi & yasmin, and on the way we saw a couple having sex in a chair, which i pointed out quite loudly. When we got there, Fiona was kind enough to provide entertainment in the form of a shadow-puppet theatre consisting of many animals and a giant joint. Then Gregelder and I started talking about a Giant angry six-foot welsh beaver called Gwynned who would run about and hammer fuck out of people with a mallet. Then we talked about weathermen who would accidentally reveal deep childhood trauma's while reading the weather, and also about the logistics of being raped by a dolphin, and having Charlie Simpson chained to a wall in your house and being fed through tubes, so you could just hit him with a club whenever the feeling took you. I was laughing so much i couldnt breathe and i got really bad menstrual cramps until i stopped laughing. After this about 5 of us piled into fiona's tent, and i heard some guys playing things like "Pinball Wizard" "back in Black" and "Black Math" on an acoustic guitar, so i sang/screamed along at the top of my voice. Then i went to bed. The next day i woke and packed up, i couldnt fit my tent into 1 bag so it was in 2, and i lost half of it. On the bus back, we talked so much shite that people in front were laughing at us. We discussed papal-sodomy, and guys fucking melons and possibilities for the show "Pimp my Ride". Back in Glasgow, we were approached by a gouranga woman and Ross and Gregelder annoyed her so much they actually got her to make excuses and leave. QUOTES: Gregelder: "Angus, you're giving out STI's like sweeties." Angus: "Of Course I'd shag her, she's a female!" Ross: "Oh the truly profound lyrics: 'Hare Hare Krishna Krishna Gouranga Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hary Ramsden!'" Gregelder: "you dont have much emphasis on production-values, its like you're just on a dictaphone." Ross: "I bet all the money just goes to drugs" Gouranga: "No, no, we dont use any drugs, not even tea or coffee." Gregelder: "Why not tea or coffee?" Gouranga: "Because they're stimulants, we don't depend on them to be happy" Ross: "What about viagra?" Gouranga: "..." Ross: "Do you embrace homosexuality?" Gouranga: "No" Ross: "So you hate the queers?" Gouranga: "No! we believe every being is spiritual" Ross: "What about rocks?" later Ross: "She won't be bothering us again" Ricky Wilson: "You 'ave to, its the laaaw!" Angus: "I saw boobs at Kaiser Chiefs" Joe: "no i'm not bitter, I'm just quite annoyed that they went and left me with a shower of wankers like yous." Me, Gregelder, Leslie "Bum-Bum" Angus: "You couldnt be raped by a dolphin, it would rip you in half, its 3foot long and pointy" me: "No, no, thats a swordfish" Gregelder: "ha, imagine being buggered by a swordfish" 4 comments|post comment

Alton Towers [02 Jul 2005|12:46pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | The Needles - In Her Arms Again ] On Wednesday, i went into clydebank to buy wellies for T in the park, i was also lucky enough to pick up a copy of Soft Cell's "Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret" for the very reasonable sum of £2.99, which was good. Then i went into school to do my leaving lines, and i cleared out my locker and found 5p, which was also good. Then i came home and listened to my records and packed for alton towers. Left at about 11.30. Mrs Grumball was quite fucked-off at us because she had copied out the wrong list of people, and she was expecting a load of people that had cancelled. Anyway, the bus left at midnight and due to 6th year (Me, OD, Camilla, Emma, Joanna & Bethany) being last on the bus I had the privilidge of sitting next to a wee kid who either had tourettes or ADD because he didn’t shut up for the entire time the bus was going, he may have been hardwired to the engine, I don’t know. Luckily, my new 4th year friend, St. Jimmy, was kind enough to lend me an mp3 player so I was headbanging to Holiday for the first half-hour. Then we watched Happy Gilmore. Service stations were rather boring when the driver decided he wanted a 90 minute break, so OD and I started a mullet-spotting competition, and I started singing Blue Orchid, which I would continue for most of the day. When we finally arrived, we got into the park an hour early, but we had to wait in a spcial holding-pen until opening time. We all wished bad things upon the staff for this. One lady looked like an ugly version of Ana Matronic, and one guy looked very smarmy. When we got in, we ran to nemesis and we were able to just walk onto it because of the lack of people. It was good, but I didn’t like the feeling that your legs could get smashed to buggery on rocks at every turn. My toothbrush made a bid for freedom and pierced through my pocket but I grabbed it back in, the little blue traitor. Then we went to Air, and queued up for the front row, which was worth it because it feels like you’re flying which is nice. The people behind us must just have seen our trainers which would have been less good. After this, we went on a big spinney thing which was so exciting that me and OD spent the time talking about the great Killers/Futureheads dilemma which threatens to destroy the sanity of much of the Scottish youth demographic. After this was Hex, which is very bad, with 0 excitement but an odd urine-like smell. Someone felt my ass in the dark room, so this was quite scary. Then we went to the famed “Rita - queen of speed” that OD was excited about. They played Queen while we were queueing and lots of people stared at me because I was singing it full volume. When we were about 5 minutes from the ride, there was an announcement that it was temporarily out of order, and some people left the queue, but we stood our ground and openly laughed at them when the announcement came 2 minutes later that it was back on. This ride goes from 0-100mph in 2.5 seconds, so its quite fast, and by “quite fast” I mean it pulls your face to the sides of your head, I literally couldn’t move or breathe at all while the thing was in motion. I saw a guy in front of me crossing himself, which was funny. After this we got lunch, I unintentionally upset a wee 1st year girl by chasing a duck about I had rolls and twixes. Sadly I would later lose my trusty lunchbox to the bus. I lament the loss of such a loyal object and receptacle, while my deserter travel-toothbrush survived. After lunch, we went on the haunted house, which is now a shooty game. I got 31000 points which was second best to OD’s 45000. Jonathan claimed to have got 55000 but it was later revealed to be a mere 5000. Then we went on a runaway mine train ride, which is really for kids, but it was just after lunch. While in the queue for this ride, a guy went past (in the rollercoaster) and he was bellowing and masturbating a large toy snake. When we got on, I was waving my arms around and I almost lost them to a “No Headroom” sign. After this, we went to the teacups which were nice. OD made a cool video of me, Camilla and him on this ride with his phone, it was like a music video except with no music. The last ride we went on was the “Spinball Whizzer” which is cool because the cart is free to turn as the ride goes on, so there are bits like sharp turns where it just spins very fast. In the line, we saw the king-of-mullets, and he combed his mullet and stroked it while we were watching him. we took pictures. When we got on the ride, we all sang “Tainted Love” and we got a ride picture taken. Jonathan looked raging in his picture, but we don’t know why yet. Back on the bus, I was able to sit next to Emma rather than my wee tourette’s kid, so that was better. There was only 1 service station stop, but Me and OD accidentally/mistakenly binned a cheque that Camilla left on the table, and I had to rake through the burger-king bin to find it. A wee girl was staring at us, so I quipped “It’s ok, I’m just looking for some money”. At the time, I found that very funny, but it seems less funny now that I’m typing it out. Got back at about midnight, and Mrs Konstantinou wished me a nice life, and I went home. Yesterday, I went to tune in my aunt and uncle’s new TV, which took about 4 hours because my uncle kept changing the way it was wired up while I was trying to fix it, so I kept having to start again. I went to Clydebank and bought “The new Fellas” by the Cribs, the new Kings of Leon album and the Who’s BBC Sessions. My dad got Hayseed Dixie’s “A Hot Piece of Grass” which is amazing, featuring things like “This Fire”, “Holiday”, “Black Dog” and “Runnin’ with the Devil” all done in bluegrass style. I Have to go back to work today so that will be quite shit I’m sure. I have a new boss, and I may have to quit soon. 6 comments|post comment

[19 Jun 2005|09:27pm] [ music | Iggy Pop - I am a Passenger ] Friday was very busy. I was up and out the house by 9am, i saw a woman drinking one of those family-size WKDs that i like. I thought it was a bit jakish to be doing it on a train at about 9 in the morning. I got in, and walked not 5 steps out the station when i saw a poster for Chuck Berry playing glasgow. For Fux sake, he must be about 130-odds by now, but the man invented music so hes allowed to. It would seem that he also thought he was allowed to have sex with a 13year old, but he wasnt too successful at getting away with that one. Found out my wages didnt come through again. oh the joys! Then Leslie came and met me at the Europpean market, and we bought crepes, then a lady came and gave us free sandwiches. We also got giant novelty-pretzels, which immediately filled my veins with liquid-salt. We saw Jon, the bastard, and Fightstar was playing at the same time so bad things come in twos evidently. I saw the guitar i want, its a nice Les Paul, with Clarkesque pickups and a Jimmy Page colour-scheme. Will set me back £280 so i have a wee bit to go yet. Then i bought some old records, and i made Leslie buy a best of Led Zeppelin, so there is hope for the boy yet. Then i bought Kurt Cobain's comicstrip biography. He dies in the end. After that, i went to Joe's and he gave me the tour of his house, and coffee. Then we went to Fionas and met Fiona and Yasmin. We had vodka, and joe got made up like a pretty-lady, and i laughed so much i fell down. Then Fiona and Yasmin had to leave, so joe and i got papped out, despite our offer to house-sit. We had to walk home wuite fast because we both needed the toilet. I made it in time, but im not sure about Joe. On Saturday, i worked from 10-2, then i met Fiona & Carly and went strolling through clydebank with them tired, finish post later 3 comments|post comment

"Run to the Hills" Extravaganza Update. [15 Jun 2005|12:41pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Foo Fighters- I'll Stick Around ] For anyone wondering about the party-in-the-hills idea: Yes it is a serious suggestion. However, Indieprince Ross Clark has recently got another gig (a full length electric set, noless.) which happens to be on the same evening, so the party will be postponed. Any suggestions on the matter, let me know please. Also i fucked-up the whole not-sleeping thing last night, i slept for 14 hours by accident. 2 comments|post comment

Party, Gig, other stuff. [14 Jun 2005|03:44am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | In Your Honour ] On Friday, I went to see "The League of Gentlemens' Apocalypse" with Father. I was quite good, if you've seen the series. It was a bit slow to start with, but it was a very good premise, where the characters find out that theyre fictional, and they have to travel to the real world to kidnap scriptwriters. In the Evening, I was invited to go to Fiona's to watch Team America, so i met up with Chris and we went in for Other-Chris and walked up. Team America wouldnt work, but we watched Anchorman instead. That film is "Fucking Funny tae-Fuck" which is very good. The best line in it was "You have a massive erection" "No I Don't, Its just an optical illusion, with the stripes." After the film, we all went and sat on the bed and Chris burned a moth's wings off. Leslie and i fought about something that i cant remember, but i do remember that i bit him. Walked home with Joe and Other-Chris. After I Left them, i heard a fox barking as they ran about the dark grass i was walking over near the reccy. It sounded like a woman screaming, which wasnt nice. Saturday, worked 1-6, bought illegal drink for Leslie. Came home and watched Dr Who. Daleks!!! he has to fight about a hundred-trillion in next weeks one so that should be good. Luisaidh and I began the trek across the reccy to meet Joe at the fabled House-of-Terminu, but we were a wee bit late. And then Scott, Yasmin and Fiona came in a taxi. We went up to Neils and there were already lots of people there. Angus Jack and Peter were playing Coldplay in the living room very loudly. I didnt know Coldplay could be so loud. Neil must have an amazing sound-system. It was good that i didnt bring any ACDC CDs, because if they had been played through such powerful speakers, it may have destroyed existence as we know it. Contrary to what some people may have said, this party was very enjoyable, featuring such hits as: *The first mass-Franz Ferdinand singalong since Hannah's! *Skittle vodka! (which was actually not all that nice) *Monica trying to liberate traffic-cones from a van! *Lots of Drink! *Angus trying to fight Scott for about an hour! During this time, Sinead and I had to form a protective cocoon around Scott and Michelle as they squatted and vomited around the tree of young-love, all the time watching out for the fearsome Angrus (The angrus is the name which was given to Angus when he is in a state of anger). Eventually, the danger passed, and then Ross and Camilla came out to dance to what sounded like Smoke on the Water which Ross was singing. I sang the solo that Jack Black does in school of rock, and i got too involved in the air-guitaring and i fell in the grass before the end. Later on, Neil and I went up the stairs to check on Yasmin, and she was passed out on the bathroom floor, so i got to 'jimmy' the lock and we picked her up and moved her to Neil's room. Then I was arguing with Ipod-Andy about whether or not "All my Life" was about oral-sex (it obviously is:- http://www.lyricsdepot.com/foo-fighters/all-my-life.html ) After this, Scott and Michelle were moved to the safe-haven that is Neil's room. I was to be the lookout to make sure that the dreaded angrus did not attack. It didnt, so i went down the stairs and danced about like spider-man for a while. Then Angrus threw a can of beer up the stairs, and kicked/punched the walls for a while. Neil was understandably less-than-thrilled with this, so we had to start moving people out then, and it took over an hour to get people from Neils house to Old Kilpatrick. One man on his own can make this walk in about seven minutes on a good day. However, everyone was waiting on each other, until eventually i ended up having to pick up Jack, and later Angus (having dropped the angry-r) and carry them along the road to get people to come with us. En Route, Sinead liberated a garden-gnome, Jack and Angus peed in a bush, and Emma & Camilla slapped each other in the face a bit. Eventually we got to Old Kilpatrick and Angus came to stay at our house. We got to wake up to my "Immigrant Song" alarm clock. Work was boring. Sunday night, went to Ross' acoustic-gig at the Vale, which Emma kept saying was a "sleazy pub" (but it's not). The gig was good. There was a cool guy that sang a song about sandwiches; and a blues guy, who later did a collaboration with the sandwich guy; Then a guy who was not so good. He was very generic-looking, with no distinguishing features whatsoever. Ross dedicated songs to Angus and Camilla, and I was in another one. After this, some people that we were with lost interest and started talking, which was quite rude, but Neil, Joe, Leslie and I all watched and clapped and stuff. Then me, Joe, Leslie and Scott came home on the train, and I was later shocked to discover that in my absence, Jon has now popularised himself with Ross, Angus, Jack and Peter. Peter now says that "maybe 'Cunt' is too strong a word for him". Considering the amount that the word 'cunt' is used by Peter (and more recently myself) this is very worrying. As such, i am going to start a formal league of loyal haters, with membership and badges and stuff. Today i woke at the jolly hour of midday, finished "Fight Club" and went into clydebank to buy "In Your Honour" (This is excellent, buy it soon, although my case broke so I'm taking it back to get the case replaced). Then we had a Young Enterprise meeting which was good, i got a cheque for £250 with no name on it, but sadly its for charity and not for me. Tonight, i went up to Fiona's for the evening, and we watched Fight Club and Baseketball. We also kept a balloon off the floor for ages while i danced to "Heart of Glass", then "The Bad Touch". I had to confiscate Leslie's harmonica, which spent the evening in the fridge. Best quotes of the evening come from Chris: (on The Edge) "Imagine what his passport must be like. What's His second-name anyway?" and later on, when showing me a picture "That's me, with Sara and Wee-Chris. Oh wait, I'm Chris. That's me with Davey and Sara." Also, Joe, Fiona and I are getting our own sitcom, with the premise being that we just sit on the couch and talk for about half an hour. Also, we have to wear the same clothes all the time, but Fiona's hair changes colour throughout the series. BIG FUCKIN' PARTY UP THE HILLS NEXT WEEK. Also, since next tuesday will be the summer solstice, i was thinking of having an overnight party up the Old Kilpatrick hills, where we would go up in the evening, party all night, and come down in the morning. We would probably have a small campfire and people would bring drink and CDs just like normal. (I would like to point out that this has no connection to druidism or paganism, as some people thought. It is merely an excuse for another party.) What do we all think of this idea? Feedback is appreciated, Time is short. Since i last updated, i have decided to try and stay awake for a couple of days. I'm on 20 hours now. 6 comments|post comment

How many Bob-Dylan's does it take to change a lightbulb? [10 Jun 2005|10:11am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Scissor Sisters - Take Your Mama ] I Have done surprisingly little this week. Monday I went for lunch with mes parents and their friends, who are just back from Germany. Apparantly the people are all as ugly as sin. The line "mullets and pornstar-moustaches...and that's just the women!" was used more than once. I had a double-ostrich burger with cheese. It was more meat than i have had in the month before that, possibly ever. I think they killed about 6 herds of ostriches and took a few kilos of meat from each carcass and put it in a roll. Tasted very good tho. After that, i went and bought a copy of Led Zeppelin II on vinyl, and also "Give Em Enough Rope" by the Clash. In Byres Road, i saw one of the schools coming out, and all the people from it were hideously ugly. Like mutants, or Ugly-Bob from South Park. Also it was a blazer-school, which annoyed me more because they are pretentious. Tuesday I read a biography of Led Zeppelin called "Stairway to Heaven". Its good, it has lots of wee stories about things like how the Manson-cult tried to kill Jimmy Page, and how John Bonham threw 3l of orange juice over the guitarist of one of their support acts mid-set. And also the small matter of Jimmy Page using a live-octopus on a groupie, in a way that octopii most likely were never intended to be used. On Wednesday, i went to Jen's party. Which was OK, but they just smoked from the moment i got there to the moment i left. Everyone was trying to get the room as smoky as possible, except Peter and I, who sat by an open window. One girl put on the Mcfly album in its entireity. Which as most of you will know, is worse than shite. I got an acoustic guitar and played Smells Like Teen Spirit as hard as i could, with my ear pressed up to it, which drowned it out as much as possible. Angus got a keyboard with headphones, which was good for him. Now i know how rape victims feel, you just want to go home, have a bath, flush all their filth out of you, and pretend it never happened. Yesterday I went and gave blood in Clydebank, which allowed me to say "Rather drained" whenever anyone asked how i was. Also i get a ceramic blood-type pin if i go another time, which is good. I also met Jon and i would have told him what a cunt he is, but my mother was there, and she is less than fond of the word. (She said that if i said it at my party, everyone would have to leave and i would get grounded.) So i settled for sneering at him, and explaining to Mother that he was "an arsehole of the first-degree" and wishing hepatitis on him. Then i bought the original book of Fight Club for £3. Its very similar to the film, except all the bomb-recipes are unaltered, which may be handy if the house ever gets attacked by legions of the undead. I also found out that you can choose what music is playing when your children are born (technically it is the mother who chooses, but i think if i get up to change a CD when shes drugged-up and exhausted, with a baby halfway-out, i dont think there will be a lot she can do.) My parents had the Smiths playing when I was born, which is quite cool. I decided i would have "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n'Roses. What would everyone else have? Going to see "The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse" today with father, also getting Red Hot Chili Peppers T-shirt to wear for Neil's Party since he is such a fan. 3 comments|post comment

My Recollections of the weekend, or "I Wonder who is a Cunt?" [05 Jun 2005|12:47am] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | Foo Fighters- Razor ] On Friday, I went to see Star Wars again (third time now) with a bunch of people. I got my unlimited UGC card so now i am going to spend my summer in a dark room and get tanned from strobe effects. Joe and I talked a lot and laughed at things like: *Wouldnt it be funny if Yoda went in his wee wookie-spaceship and it was just a fancy portaloo? *Anakin practising 'the voice' before his fight with Obi-Wan. *Obi-Wan stopping the fight and saying "hey this fighting-above-lava malarkey is a bit dangerous, why dont we just go to a car-park somewhere and fight there?" We both agreed that we would have killed the wee english-youngling as well. After that I went out and we all went to Musiczone where i was simply thrilled to discover that my lovely employer had neglected to pay me this week, so i had almost-0 monies to survive on for the day. Outside, a Lithuanian Gouranga monk approached us and asked us to buy some "funky-monkey rock" CDs. He saw my American Idiot Tshirt and he was like "Oh, you have a rebel-heart". Leslie tried a Jedi mind-trick on him (which strangely-enough didnt work) but then he left. Joe wanted to call him back and see if he would sell us cheap Clash albums, but he didnt. After calling the bank and my work and the bank and my work i found that i was to remain moneyless until the next day, which was just jolly. i had enough for a group pizza-hut. We split a 2-4 person meal between 5 of us and everyone struggled with it except me. Yay. I cannot stress how important it is that everyone sees Sin City. It is the Pulp Fiction for the 00's. Easily the best thing ever, and not just movies. I've always been saying to Leslie, Luisaidh, Fiona and everyone else how annoying it is in films (especially Spiderman) when the hero can easily kick ass if he wants to but he uses minimal force because of his "moral code". Well Sin City uses a "Rhuraidh's-Fantasy" level of violence. There's hatchets, canibalism, castration, torture, swastika-throwing-stars, dismemberment and hanging. It Gets a "Fuck" on the Rhu-scale. Saturday. Got Money. After work, came home with Ross and had Pizza and Dr Who before Emma's party. Ross spilled his beer and Luisaidh mopped it up with Paper Towel. Leslie, Scott and Gregelder appeared because no-one knows where emma lives apart from me evidently. Then Jon walked past my house (trying to be fashionably early apparantly) and Leslie, Gregelder and Ross chapped on the windows and stuck the fingers up at him. We later noticed a lady's face had appeared in stigmata-form in the paper-towel. We took this as a good Omen. At said party, we came in and said our hellos, and saw Jon standing facing a window shouting "Hitler!...Hitler!...No, I love you, i really do...No, I'm Not just drunk." Some say he was on the phone, i think he is trying to salute hitler bcause hes a nazi-loving son-of-a-bitch. Anyway, the mood was good, Angus turned up with about 20-gabajillion people, and we put on some Kaiser Chiefs for a super-party singalong. Then Jon and Camilla came in to put on the pinnacle of modern culture: "Lonely". Just as he put the CD off, i shouted "Jon, You're a cunt!" full volume. He didnt even bat an eyelid, so he must know he's a cunt already. Mr Gregelder got him with amazing skill and accuracy, calling him "overly-effeminate" "mincing nancy-boy" "Wanker" and "Cunt" all in the one breath. After this, I got a tinfoil helmet with a horn, which Ross sculpted into a swan. Then Scott and I taught Emma's dog to bark "The hounds of Love", and we got a quintet going with the 3 of us plus Leslie & Peter. Then Leslie drank 2 wineglasses of Jack Daniels in about 2 minutes so he was quite destroyed for a while. We went up to ours so Luisaidh could change (because she got WKD'd), and I changed for the hell of it. After this, i told Jon he was a cunt, and that i hated him, and i stuck the fingers up at him a few times, Sinead and Jemma videoed it. (All this time, Carolanne was lecturing me on how life's too short to hate, and i should learn to love Jon as she does because hate is a wasted emotion. (Carolanne was later heard to comment "Ah Fuckin' hate that cow!" after an almost-fight with Michelle)) About this time, an acoustic guitar came out, and it got passed around more than a hooker between sailors. Such hits as "Stairway to Heaven" "American Idiot" "Decent Days and Nights" and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" were played using ring-pulls in place of plectra (we had to make do in those days). Then Emma's mum came down and said that it was too loud so that had to be stopped. Me and Kimberley found a mouse in the back garden and we fed it apple-pie. It came and ate it. We had to get rid of the pie anyway, because Senor Cuntio was eyeing it longingly, and i don't think he wanted to eat it, the perv-bastard. I had to go home at about 3am because i had smelly-work in the morning. But I managed to get up for it with no bother so it was ok. Leslie called Jon a Cunt and a Wank as we were leaving. 9 comments|post comment

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